Growing My Faith Through My Desert Journey

When I say the words "desert journey," what do you think of? A walk into the desert? A hike? While that might be the literal image, the desert journey I speak of is a spiritual one—a time of refining and deep intimacy with God the Father. The desert journey is a spiritual discipline, a time of refining in the wilderness, just as Jesus experienced in Matthew 4. It is a period of drawing closer to our Lord and Savior in deeper intimacy. My journey began in 2009 when my family and I moved to Arizona. This path has led me from leaving religion (organized church) behind to losing friendships, but in return, I have drawn closer to the Lord and received revelation about the destiny He planned for me before time began.

After we moved, I reconnected with some friends who invited us to their church. We attended for a while, but I began noticing things that did not sit right with me. After our third son was baptized, we stopped going because the truth of Jesus was not being spoken. We tried other churches closer to home, but there was always something that made us question what we were hearing. Eventually, we stopped attending church altogether.

During this time, I was working as a teacher at a Native American Catholic school. Since I was not raised Catholic, I had much to learn about their religion, but I studied and taught what was necessary. During my tenure, I attended college to earn my Catholic Leadership degree. I did not realize it at the time, but pride was creeping in. I was accomplishing much, taking on greater responsibilities—which I loved—but that also nurtured a spirit of pride within me.

I was asked to take over as principal of a school in New Mexico. That season was both the hardest and the best of my life. It was the hardest because I had never lived on my own before. I missed my husband tremendously. He came every weekend, but he was there for less than 24 hours before having to return home. Yet, it was also the best time because God and I had a difficult journey to walk together. He had to knock me off the pedestal I had placed myself on and strip away my pride. It took time, with many bumps and bruises, but He accomplished that work in me. I also fell into such a deep depression that I felt like Peter sinking in the storm before Jesus reached out His hand and pulled him back into the boat. I still made mistakes, but I am grateful for every lesson God taught me during that time.

When my time there ended, I moved back to Arizona to a new home in a small community. I believed I needed a job, and though I was hired for three different positions, each one was cut short because I could not mentally handle it. It was incredibly difficult. I struggled deeply, feeling like I had lost not just my passion for teaching, but a part of myself. My last position, however, was different—the principal was supportive and encouraged me to seek counseling and focus on healing. It was then that I was diagnosed with PTSD.

Following that diagnosis, the Lord brought what I call my "therapy dog" into my life. He was not professionally trained, but he loved me unconditionally. He allowed me to love him without judgment. He became my hiking partner, my neighborhood walking companion, and my security. He is my silent partner in everything I do. I praise God for the blessing of this dog because, through him, I slowly started to learn to trust people again.

While still in deep depression, I remember talking with my best friend one day. She asked how I was doing, and I responded—lying through my teeth—“I’m doing well.” In that very moment, I had an overwhelming sense that those words broke shackles I had unknowingly wrapped around myself. From then on, my true healing and faith growth began.

Due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, I ended up back at the Native American school, this time teaching fifth grade. These were my last first-grade students before I had left for New Mexico. But this time, I could not bring myself to teach the Catholic religion curriculum. Instead, I began introducing them to the truth about God and who He is. I taught just enough to ensure they were prepared for their testing, but my heart was not in it. At the end of the school year, I was in the principal’s office discussing my contract when I heard the Holy Spirit clearly say, "Only one more year."

I thought that meant I would finish my career at that school the following year, but the Lord had other plans. I ended up working in a high school with special education students, ranging from mild to severe disabilities. All of them were non-verbal, and three were in wheelchairs. I had a staff of six assisting me. It was a tough but rewarding year. One day, on my way home from work, I told the Lord, "I just want You to use my hands and feet for whatever You want me to do." That season of my desert journey stretched my faith like never before—working in a public high school with disabled students was completely out of my league! I had to rely on Christ for everything, from working with my students to handling meetings.

One day the Lord called me to the top of a mountain in Tucson for a night away. It was a point of decision for me. John 15:16 says, “You didn’t choose Me, but I’ve chosen and commissioned you to go into the world to bear fruit.” My response was: "I choose You, Lord! Break me, mold me, make me into whatever vessel You need me to be. Use my hands and feet to do Your work, to fulfill my God appointed destiny that You planned for me before time began."

I was on my knees, tears flowing like a river down my face. I surrendered my all to Him that night. Before bed, I played worship music at full volume, singing at the top of my lungs. My poor neighbors!

Faith never stops growing. Challenges and trials come to test us—to see whether we will trust the Lord or not. The most recent trial I have faced began in October 2024, when God took me off certain medications. The detox process lasted two months, followed by three months of recovery. This experience has been one of the hardest things I have ever endured. But through it all, God has shown me that He has me. I am in His hands, protected, just like a hen sheltering her chicks. Psalm 91 (TPT) has been a source of strength for me, reminding me that I am safe and secure in Him.

During this time, I held on to Scripture as my anchor. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 27:14 (TPT):

"Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient. Be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting—for He will never disappoint you!"

Faith is a beautiful thing. It is knowing and trusting that God has you and every situation in His hands. Hebrews 11:1-6 (TPT) says:

"Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen. This testimony of faith is what previous generations were commended for."

I have grown so much in Him. He is my rock, my everything. And as I step into my God appointed destiny, my eyes must remain on Him—and Him alone.